Feel free to have a laugh whilst reading this piece. Feel free too, to look beyond the simple and unserious language and ponder the poignant message lying within.

The EU debate has gradually heated up to fever pitch, with David Cameron pleading ‘remain’ and Boris Johnson yelling ‘leave’. Nigel Farage is all for ‘leave’, too. But while David has got very viable all-encompassing points for backing ‘remain’, including a strong/stable economy and security, Boris and Nigel’s only points for supporting ‘leave’ are immigration and sovereignty.

Let’s face it, there’s more to Britain than immigration. But immigration is why I’m stressing that we vote ‘remain’, albeit from a different angle. Let me, at this point relay the reason for my unwavering stance: a bevy of beautiful but lonely friends of mine have been hitting the pubs in search of love. They’ve been at it for five consecutive Friday nights but the story has been the same…in all the pubs…each night. The blokes were all taken! The ones who didn’t bring their birds along flashed their wedding rings once approached by a free bird.

At some point, a dapper lad strode to my friends’ table, an affectionate smile adorning his adorable face. My friends’ faces lit up with excitement; one of them was about to be asked out… at last. Wow… what a lucky evening! Each of them hoped to be the object of the bloke’s affection. But the chap tilted his head, cooed a knee-melting ‘hello’ and asked if any of them had a lighter.  The faces around him drooped with disappointment as it dawned on them that he wasn’t looking for a bird; he was only looking to light his cigarette. Then some gorgeous lass stepped forward from somewhere and grabbed his arm as though to protect him from the love-hungry hawks who were gawking at him with needy eyes. It was his girlfriend… or wife. My friends rose in swift unison and left the pub. Yuck… what a lame evening!

What I think is… there are not enough single blokes in Britain to go round… and hearts habour deep voids as a result. Yup, that’s the sad reality. And the situation is this bad while the borders are open and EU citizens have free movement into Britain. What would happen should the ‘Leave’ group win on Thursday and put heavy padlocks on the borders?  That would mean the single guys who could come in and cure some lonely hearts being shut off.

Ladies, are we willing to lead lives devoid of love? Are we ready to give up the peace and assurance that come from being in a relationship with a nice and caring man? Couldn’t we all do with some TLC (tender loving care)?

Be thoughtful and vote ‘remain’ when Thursday dawns. Some of us already have dashing blokes in our lives and are not looking anymore. But think of the hordes of ladies out there who are lonely. Imagine being in their shoes. Imagine how hollow they feel and vote right. Vote ‘remain’, that UK borders may remain open and let love in.


Keep a date next week. Oh… and for more of my cheeky writing, visit and check out my novel, RED PASSPORT, which is currently ‘Top 3 book’ on Kindle.

Catch ya!

Laura Tata Onuigbo xx




Time wise, Nigeria is ahead of America by several hours. It celebrates Christmas before America; it sees a New Year before America. So, Nigeria ideally should be the future, a pacesetter. In reality however, Nigeria is the past, lagging behind most countries by over a century.

Had Nigeria ever been on a par with its time, it would have had a Kim Kardashian long before America had one. Yes, the truth is that a Kim K sprouted up there long before the American version even knew what she’d do with her life, but Nigeria squashed her in accordance with its never-changing  ‘‘citizens-must-not-thrive’’ tradition.

I can almost feel you all itching to know how that happened. Hey! Chill! Learn to sip your Shiraz, don’t gulp it.

Some years back, a certain budding actress found miniature fame after taking part in Nigerian Breweries’ reality show, Gulder Ultimate Search. Anita Hogan! Her new starlet status meant she could only hobnob with the rich and powerful, so she let an older Dutchman waltz into her life. A top executive with Shell Petroleum Development Company, he wined and dined Anita, lavished her with pricey gifts and wads of crisp dollars, and taught her that she could use her laptop for other things aside from sending emails and downloading music.

So Anita did a shoot…in the nude! The provocative poses she struck would make the original Kim Kardashian look timid, if the photos should ever resurface. Next, her Dutchman joined in, equally naked, in what was as daring and dirty as the vodka in them could bolster. These shots were safely stored in her laptop. She was having fun. And she was ahead of her mates. Or so she thought.

Then one very mean day the laptop developed a fault. How dare this silly gadget do that to her? Didn’t it understand that it was the most important thing in her life? Next to her Dutchman, of course. How could she survive an entire day without Skyping with her man… naked… as usual? Damn!

In her desperation to have the laptop fixed, Anita completely forgot about the lewd photos when she took it to a nearby technician. A phone call was what reminded her. It was from the technician; he had discovered the images and wanted half a million naira from her or else…!

Anita called his bluff; she was too on top of her game to succumb to cheap broad daylight blackmail. What happened three days later made her wish she had negotiated with her blackmailer: her nude pictures were splashed on the cover of an evening newspaper, PM News! The technician had been paid a handsome sum for Anita’s private property.

It killed her to see her private part staring people in the face, desperately begging to be gawked at. She didn’t know it right then, but a lifelong ordeal had just begun for her. First, she became the talk of not only Lagos where the incident had happened but the entire country.  Then she was stigmatised, on a larger scale than a leper would have been subjected to. The biggest blow, which swayed her so badly she fell into deep oblivion, was that the Actors Guild of Nigeria banned her from acting…for life!

Now let’s make a comparison here:  Kim Kardashian made a sex tape with her then boyfriend, Ray Jay for their private perusal. It was leaked and went viral. Before she even realised what had happened, the incident landed her a television reality show which soon catapulted her family to worldwide fame. Then endorsement deals followed from which she amassed millions of dollars. Most importantly, her fame got her inducted into the hallowed fellowship of Tinsel Town movers and shakers where she formed both professional and romantic liaisons with stars. Today she is one of the most famous women in the world. Her mistake earned her a life most people can only dream of.

Down in Nigeria, Anita Hogan posed nude with her Dutch boyfriend for their private perusal. It was leaked and became the topic of the year. Before she even realised what had happened, she was bandied all over as a tart who should be sentenced to hell. Then the stakeholders of the Nigerian film industry came together and put the kibosh on her acting career, her only livelihood. Today, she continues to languish in the dark alleys of endless oblivion. And her marriage to the Dutchman has failed to earn her forgiveness from both the acting body she belonged to and her country. Her mistake made her an outcast and ruined her life forever.

Bearing this comparison in mind, I know am not alone when I wonder how anyone could ban someone over a leaked private nude photo shoot… in a profession where nudity transports people overnight to the A-list. Shouldn’t that sort of punishment be for nuns, public servants and the likes?

I know am not alone also when I imagine the contribution, no matter how little, that foreign deals would have made to the ever dwindling economy of Nigeria had Anita been allowed the fame and fortune that her contemporaries have reaped from her kind of mistake.

Wake up, Nigeria and stop aborting dreams and potential!

Keep a date next week. Oh… and for more of my cheeky writing, search for my novel, Red Passport, which is currently ‘Top 3 book’ on Kindle. A synopsis of the novel is available on this site as well. Just scroll up and click the ‘About’ icon.


Laura Tata Onuigbo xx


Twitter: @LauraOnuigbo

Facebook: Laura Tata Onuigbo






The first time I heard ‘sex sells’ was as a writer for Nigerian romance magazine, Hints, back in the day. We’d been aiming to push 25,000 copies a week to a continually diminishing reading audience, but the reading culture was then dying by the minute in Nigeria alongside morals and values. So we watched dismally as a huge bunch of our circulation came back to us every week.

Then something happened. And it was not a chance occurrence; it was perfectly orchestrated by us – the writers at the helm of affairs.  We did a story on a popular Nigerian actress and captioned it ‘SEX PUTS INI EDO IN TROUBLE’ because as luck would have it, the sultry starlet had abandoned location the week before for a quickie with an undisclosed bloke in a hotel, which got her banned from acting for a year. That edition exploded like London fireworks on New Year’s Eve! We even had to do a reprint before the week ran out. Needless to say, our circulation grew from strength to strength afterwards and hit a target we never dared to aim at, which made our boss, Dr Ibe Kachikwu so ecstatic he gave us mouth-watering bonuses. Sex had just begun to sell faster than hot cake!

So, if you had to choose between hot cake and sex, which would it be? I know many of you would fling the cake far away, after all, what can it really do for you except fill you with much-dreaded calories, yeah? On its part, sex has gone from being a secret to being the secret of success! Kim Kardashian chose sex and it has blown her larger than life. Sarah Jessica Parker’s name still resonates until today, nearly a decade after the finale of Sex and the City, because the series offered a graphic dissection of sex; it laid everything bare.

But where does sex end and where does common sense begin? This is a question we need to ask ourselves as we all struggle to fit this new key to success in our different locks.


Oh…and for more of my cheeky writing, search for my novel, Red Passport, which is currently ‘Top 3 book’ on Kindle.


Laura Tata Onuigbo xx